Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
