Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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