how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
