She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
