It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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