im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
