I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
