peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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