You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
