Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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