Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize