I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
