Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
