it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
