i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
