Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my phone needs a breathalizer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
false alarm, still single
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