Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
