We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
