and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
