Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
