So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
