I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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