but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
