She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
