I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
