I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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