I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
