AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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