I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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