Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
