Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
