farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
