so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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