Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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