he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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