If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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