"it" just moved
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
should my penis look like a turkey
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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