oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
