to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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