pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
