The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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