i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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