I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
