Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
