Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
