Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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