Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
