she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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