Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
zippers are such a cool invention
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
