my phone needs a breathalizer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I sprained my soul last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
