Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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