I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
