I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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