did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
