god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
