I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
