If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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