He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
