I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
