i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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