Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
