my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
