could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
