you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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