i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
