I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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