I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My balls are so social today.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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