I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
one might say we're banned from that church
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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