why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
