thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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