She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The convent might be a nice break from real life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
