Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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