Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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