well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
